Tsssssssssss... disappointed

Dear Diary,

It's my b'day today... 22nd B'day... My frens from work sang happy B'day for me last night at dinner... they even ordered a cup cake with mini fireworks on it... it was sweet of them... n then we played in the park...at like 9 at night... pressed all the water fountains... it was so much fun... we were yelling n stuff... I almost lost my voice today...
N then we went to this Billiard place... boring bgt... gw iseng aja gangguin org2 yg lg shoot
Sampe jam 1 lewat... trus sampe rumah jam 2, trus bobo jam 2.30-an... trus buka toko...
Sandi n Marina mabok bgt gile... sampe kayak lesbong gitu...amit2 dah

Sold 2 phones today... I was being sooooo nice n frenly to everyone just to hide my sadness... intense sadness

bangun pagi2, mengharapkan dpt sms dr cowo yg katanye sayang bgt ma gw... tai! Gak ada sms satupun... sampe gw sms juga gak dibales... gw dah kecewa bgt... buka toko sambil BT bgt... trus gw telp, pikiran kenapa2 dia... trus dianya cengengesan... ya udah gak niat lg gw ngomong... jd bener2 marah dah gw... di telp pun gak ngucapin Happy B'day... bukannya soal hr ini B'day gw atau gak... tp perhatiannya itu lho... trus dia bilang dia sms, tp gak nyampe... tsssss... rasanya akhir2 ini yg gw denger ituuuu aja alasannya kalo gw gak dpt sms...
Rasanya pengen gw banting apa aja gitu... trus tiba2 gw gak tahan lg, gw nangis... yup... he ruined my b'day... perfect! My entire day is ruined! Gak ada ucapan satupun dari dia... NONE... ZERO! org2 yg gw kira gak tau aja tiba2 inget n ngucapin, ngasih kartu, dll... even NINIEK sms gw 2 kali! KELEWATAN bgt kan???????????

Andrew aja telp gw hr ini... ngucapin selamat... ckckck...padahal gw gak pernah ngasih tau...

Trus krn harus buka toko, gw buru2 apus air mata... gak mau berenti ngucur... trus gw pikir, kan gw belon nyalain comp dah 2 hr, jd mungkin dia udah nulis apa gitu... gw belon baca aja kali... jd berenti juga tuh air mata... tp tetep aja kecewaaaaaaaaa bgt! Belon pernah rasanya gw kayak gini... kayaknya this is the WORST B'day ever... This is the first B'day that my status is NOT single... tp ternyata mengecewakan bgt... Trus untung Sandi kerja sama gw siangnya... she made me feel better... Even Rhob called to wish me a happy B'day... n Jared wished me a happy B'day too... nenek2 n pastur di gereja juga...

Trus masa gw dikira lg PMS... dia bener2 gak mikirin bgt gitu! emangnya gw mau mens berapa kali sebulan??? Ini aja td maen ma Dita maksain senyum... susahhhhhhhhh bgt... mata gw dah berat bgt mau keluar air mata...

Right now all I feel is anger... disappointment... never thought that it can be such a big deal... kalo org2 laen yg lupa B'day gw sih gw sebodo amat... tp ini kayaknya satu2nya org yg gw harapin bakalan jd org pertama yg ngucapin B'day ke gw... bener2 lg benciiiii bgt ma dia... Hate him so much right now, I can't even explain... I don't wanna hear what he's gonna say... The day is done... the damage is done... n I will NEVER forget this... I am soooo deeply hurt beyond belief...

Maybe because I tried sooo hard to make him happy... never forget to send him sms EVERY NIGHT before I go to sleep... kalo misalnya gw tidur sore2 aja gw kirim sms, biar gak lupa malemnya krn gw ketiduran... pokoknya jd dia dpt sms tiap pagi... krn gw mengharapkan gw juga dpt sms tiap pagi, jd gw treat others as I wanna be treated...gw mulai dgn action... hal kecil emang... tp katanya dia merhatiin hal2 kecil gitu... tssss.... BS... Maybe he thinks that because things have been so calm and comfortable, dia bisa semau2 dia... he hardly tried... terlalu comfortable gitu kayaknya... he didn't even bother trying anymore... OUCH! Sekarang gw tambah ngerti kenapa pacaran bisa basi bgt n org2 bisa cerai terutama kalo baru kawin... padahal awalnya in luv bgt... sekarang gw ngerti... krn masing2 mikir krn in luv n comfortable, jd easy2 aja n nyantai2 n make no big deal of anything... jd kayak gak ada yg penting lg... semua gak penting gitu jdnya...

You know what made it worse? I missed him sooo much these past few days...I remember when he used to sacrifice so much for me... when he'd do anything... he used to lose sleep every Sunday just to chat with me until morning... sekarang... sleep is much more important... it's good, but this way, we don't get to talk anymore at all... rasanya kayak gak punya cowo gitu... kayak punya cowo cyber... tsssssssss... kayaknya semakin lama tuh he became less n less willing to make sacrifices... I became 100th priority... semakin di push back n push away... *sigh*

Linda n my ex just called... n then Fifi called... Fifi's Mom called earlier... it only makes things worse... cuz everyone who called me only reminded me of the fact that I didn't get no happy b'day from my boyfriend... OUCH!

"jangan marah2 huneeeee , kita dah enak dah tenang2 jangan jadi pikiran krn gw ga send sms"... jd demi menjaga suasana tenang gw mesti keep my emotions down n anggap enteng semuanya? tak usah ya! gw mikirin dia selalu, tp dianya... tsssssssssssss... mau marah aja mikirin dia, ntar jd pikiran, dll... screw that!

Screw him... I don't have time for this... I'm just gonna sleep... screw everything... today sucks!