the saddest day of my life
I got my hopes up for a while there... so I am really really down right now u have no idea. I was crying on the way home... the drive home took 1.5 hours... so much snow
I was feeding Gerry when I got ur message n boy I almost cried right there. n then the rest of the day I was just faking my smile n trying hard to think of something else so I wouldnt cry. n then the rest of the day my headache was so bad...a few times I almost fell, lost my balance... so that's how it felt like to faint... Never fainted before...but I almost did a few times today.
I dont know what I was feeling...upset for sure... and mad... at everything... mad at why this is soooo fucking hard... why things have to be this tough. A few times I was actually thinking of driving like a mad person n just kill myself n end it all... but then I'd hurt other people too... so I drove slowly because I was crying.
I got my college mark... 94% average... I applied for a position at Sunrise today... hopefully I get it...so I dont have to work for free no more.
I definitely cannot leave February... u know that...Last week u said u're free April?
Then how about mid april? say April 17-24??? I have to know the next date because when I called Louisa at the travel agent today, it turned out that she already booked it (because it's gonna be very very busy with school holiday during the week of March 10-20) and there's no way to cancel...the only way is to change the date...but I have to tell her the date change ASAP and pay some penalty... oh well.
So please please please give me a date ASAP. I know u've tried ur best to make it in March... *I'm trying hard to understand n to calm myself down* But how much longer can I hang on? This is really really really hard for me, u have no idea!!! I'm at the point where I've almost given up hopes to see u at all this year... maybe I should just give up or something... or have no expectations or hopes... Dammit!!!
I'm too sad to talk or do anything, I just wanna curl up in bed n cry...
I have to go to work really early tomorrow to do inventory... I'm going to bed now.
Capek bgt gw... exhausted... kepala gw mau pecah... rasanya gak punya gairah idup lg gitu... like my life has been sucked the hell out of me... crap! I used to be so happy n carefree n didnt give a shit abt love n the drama... somebody invent a time machine!!!!!!!!! I've even begun to wonder if this is all just a bad dream... wonder if I really do have a boyfren who's so far away, or maybe I just imagined the whole thing???????? Hell my friends are even beginning to wonder if I've lost my sanity... maybe I've begun hallucinating??????? And now I can't help but doubt myself too... is this all in my head??? if it is, then I wanna wake up pleaseeeee!!!!!!!!!
Why does this have to be so bloody fucking hard???????????? WHYYYYY???????????? aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I was feeding Gerry when I got ur message n boy I almost cried right there. n then the rest of the day I was just faking my smile n trying hard to think of something else so I wouldnt cry. n then the rest of the day my headache was so bad...a few times I almost fell, lost my balance... so that's how it felt like to faint... Never fainted before...but I almost did a few times today.
I dont know what I was feeling...upset for sure... and mad... at everything... mad at why this is soooo fucking hard... why things have to be this tough. A few times I was actually thinking of driving like a mad person n just kill myself n end it all... but then I'd hurt other people too... so I drove slowly because I was crying.
I got my college mark... 94% average... I applied for a position at Sunrise today... hopefully I get it...so I dont have to work for free no more.
I definitely cannot leave February... u know that...Last week u said u're free April?
Then how about mid april? say April 17-24??? I have to know the next date because when I called Louisa at the travel agent today, it turned out that she already booked it (because it's gonna be very very busy with school holiday during the week of March 10-20) and there's no way to cancel...the only way is to change the date...but I have to tell her the date change ASAP and pay some penalty... oh well.
So please please please give me a date ASAP. I know u've tried ur best to make it in March... *I'm trying hard to understand n to calm myself down* But how much longer can I hang on? This is really really really hard for me, u have no idea!!! I'm at the point where I've almost given up hopes to see u at all this year... maybe I should just give up or something... or have no expectations or hopes... Dammit!!!
I'm too sad to talk or do anything, I just wanna curl up in bed n cry...
I have to go to work really early tomorrow to do inventory... I'm going to bed now.
Capek bgt gw... exhausted... kepala gw mau pecah... rasanya gak punya gairah idup lg gitu... like my life has been sucked the hell out of me... crap! I used to be so happy n carefree n didnt give a shit abt love n the drama... somebody invent a time machine!!!!!!!!! I've even begun to wonder if this is all just a bad dream... wonder if I really do have a boyfren who's so far away, or maybe I just imagined the whole thing???????? Hell my friends are even beginning to wonder if I've lost my sanity... maybe I've begun hallucinating??????? And now I can't help but doubt myself too... is this all in my head??? if it is, then I wanna wake up pleaseeeee!!!!!!!!!
Why does this have to be so bloody fucking hard???????????? WHYYYYY???????????? aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
posted by si Monyet at Monday, February 06, 2006
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